you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
