she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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