I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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