just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you had me at cake vodka
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
