we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The power of my boobs compel you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
