i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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