If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
