You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
