Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
