I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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