We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
