went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
