i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
