So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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