I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
