i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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