dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The adults are the big ones right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
