he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
