just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
