return my video game
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
