So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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