That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
