I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
