Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
