After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
