He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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