If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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