you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
