I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
