We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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