I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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