so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
