trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
