I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
