just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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