after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
