im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
