Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
