I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
