Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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