Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
