closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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