pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
