Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
