Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
