Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone shattered a urinal.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
