pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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