i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
