i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
