Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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