Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
