Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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