Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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