can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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